Day 2 Hope challenge

Rachael’s Story

When I was 3 years old, my babysitter left me at her house to be watched by her dad. Shortly after she left, he told me we were going to play a game which started with taking my clothes off and ended with not only raping me but threatening to kill me and my parents if I ever told anyone. Decades of wreckage, self-destruction, and confusion proceeded. I struggled with same sex attraction from a young age and had been molested many times after that day by both males and females until the age of 11 years old. I began drinking alcohol at 13 years old to cope with my anxiety and depression. I put myself in compromising situations and was in abusive relationships (ones that I only recently realized were considered to be domestic violence) I felt misunderstood by those even closest to me but also didn't understand myself and why I continued to make the choices I was making. I know now that those behaviors were coping mechanisms driven by survival. It was only through sobriety that I could begin truly facing the trauma I endured and begin to have a clear understanding of the pain that had been driving my behaviors. I learned that I suffered with undiagnosed PTSD. Psychotherapy, recovery from addiction, and somatic therapy all laid a foundation to help me move through the effects of trauma but finding and following Jesus gave me the spiritual cleansing I needed for true freedom. The bondage of shame held me captive until I received God's grace and redemption. I came to believe in Jesus in my late twenties after hitting rock bottom with alcoholism. The alcohol stifled my anger and in sobriety I finally faced all the feelings I never felt. For the longest time, I was angry with God for what He allowed to happen to me. I believed God could not be trusted and that He must not care about me to have allowed that to happen. Today I know different. He was with me then and still is now. My anger was misplaced. I began to know the God of the Bible which taught me that He allows free will to accept and choose Him as savior. It also taught me that as humans we are sinners and sometimes that means being sinned against by others like I had been. I learned how to move past the anger I had towards God, myself, and others through forgiveness including forgiveness of my abusers. I turned my anger over to God and placed my abusers in His hands knowing He is a true and righteous Avenger who every abuser will have to face on His judgment day for the ramifications of their sins. I pictured my anger as a rope that had me tied to my abuser and when I forgive, I cut the rope and handed it over to God which set me free to walk away and give the responsibility over to Him. He is the only one who can discipline and disciple a person’s heart. In order to experience a life of peace, joy, and freedom, I had to abandon victimhood and receive God's truth about my identity. The lies that I was worthless were replaced with God's truth that I am priceless and more precious than rubies. I no longer identify as a victim but as a survivor with a purpose to speak truth and life into other women like you. Let it be known that you are seen, you are loved, and you are enough... just as you are. You are capable of transformation and deserve the beautiful design God has for your life when you find your true worth in Him.

Prayer for the Day

Father, thank you for rescuing me and reaching your hand out to me even when I rebel and run the opposite direction. Help me receive your love and see myself through your loving eyes. Free me from the bondage of shame, cycle of addiction and patterns of behavior that keep me at a distance from you. Give me the strength to face my fears and courage to follow the path for my life that you have laid out for me. Although the path ahead is narrow, it is one designed by you for my life. Help me to remember you are my shield and will protect me when I am in trouble. I desire to grow closer to you and pray to encounter you today. In Jesus name, Amen.